SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
