i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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