I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
