If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
