Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
