I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
