a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
