And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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