i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
