Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize