the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
