Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
