wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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