You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
