I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
