Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh god it's open bar.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize