i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
