Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize