Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
