your parents love me but you hate me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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