Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
