My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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