Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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