at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
