I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
