omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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