you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Welp...herpes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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