Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
