I think i peed on brittanys purse
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
