Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
