i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
