We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize