I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
