I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
