Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
