Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
