So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize