Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
