If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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