Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
