I can't watch pbs sober anymore
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
