I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
