Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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