the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
