he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
