we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont even know how to be here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
