i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
