I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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