if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My nipple is on Facebook.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
