i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The best revenge is premature balding
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
