It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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