She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
