the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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