No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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