Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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