I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize