i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
