I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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