I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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