that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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