I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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