How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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