I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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