Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
