I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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