hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
